The Tale

of

Beetle Bung Farm

Bitsy Beetle-Bung

To the people of the town, Bitsy is known as the princess of Beetle Bung farm, though she’s anything but ditsy. Despite her oversized jumper and small stature, she has quite a presence. You see, Bitsy came out of her mother feet first, and since then she hasn’t lost her taste for danger.

As Bitsy skips about the farm, she is always shadowed by her comrades, Mamie Rose and Phil. Mamie Rose is the plumpest cat east of the Mississippi and can only be tamed with the fresh minnows from Bitsy’s fishing net. Phil is a grasshopper. He is small and he is meek, and he sometimes wonders if Bitsy even knows he’s there.

Benjamin Beetle

Like Phil, Bitsy often feels invisible to the rest of the Beetle Bung bunch. Her father, Benjamin Beetle, spends most of his time in the home office hidden behind the town paper. Between cigar puffs and elderberry hand pies, he squanders the Beetle Bung fortune in the local pig races. He loves his children dearly, but oh, how he loves the taste of a win more.

Victor “Grumpy” Bung

Victor Bung or “Grumpy,” as the Beetle children call him, is the wittiest of the bunch. He may have been around for The Great Syrup Flood back in 1887, but he’s still smart as a whip. After his chores of hacking firewood and shearing the sheep bangs, he sits on his thinking stump. With a whistle weed between his teeth, he looks over the farm and tries to remember what it felt like to run between the hay barrels as a young boy. He tries to remember the taste of his mother's rye bread, the smell of his father’s clove cigarettes, and when the farm existed only as Bung Farm.

Beatrice Beetle

Bitsy’s mother, Beatrice Bung, works the farm stand where people come from far and wide. Every few days, she skims a few coins from the register and stashes them in a paint can in the barn. The only reason she hasn’t run yet is her beloved Bitsy. If she was being honest, Beatrice couldn’t care less about the wretched twins.

Before Benjamin, Beatrice was a socialite in the big city. She spent her days sipping filthy martinis and making promises to men with no intention of keeping them. All there is to do now is clean. Clean up after all the pigs, especially the one she married.

Baxter & Basil Beetle-Bung

The twins are as rotten as they come. For weeks, Baxter has been picking from his mother’s paint can while Basil snips a centimeter off Bitsy’s hair each night as she sleeps. The two of them are responsible for multiple acts of arson in the town and have inherited a horrible gambling habit just like their daddy. With the money stolen and won, the children plan to fund their biggest heist yet.

June Janey & Matthew May

Matthew May and June Janey live in a small cottage facing Crumble Creek. They met at the farm stand about ten years back when June still had a head of hair and Mr. May sang in the local quartet. These days, June won’t leave the house without his porkpie hat and Mr. May developed stage fright. They share an insatiable sweet tooth for Beatrice’s infamous pies, so every Sunday, the pair stroll down to Beetle Bung Farm to indulge in their desires.

Annabel Ambrose

In her rickety caravan on the hill, Annabel Ambrose, former circus lion tamer, devotes her days to an intensive skincare routine. She lathers on the finest creams and oils in a constant battle against sagging skin. The wrinkles are winning. She has never revealed her age to anyone besides the princess of Beetle Bung Farm. Bitsy carries secrets like these deep in her jumper, where no one will ever see them. Unlike her mother, she makes good on her promises.

Sal Saugus

Slimy Sal Saugus is usually lurking by the farm stand in search of customers. Inside his trench coat, Sal keeps a vast collection of magical elixirs and serums. He tells stories to unbecoming passersby of the great wonders of the grasslands of Bangaloo and the fourteen-foot-long serpents in the deep oceans of Meroni. Sal is quite the salesman and manages a decent living off his stories even though he’s never set foot outside the country.